


Breakage

by Adders



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:46:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adders/pseuds/Adders
Summary: Bill thought Holden was immune. Watching his protege fall apart hurts more than expected.
Relationships: Bill Tench/Nancy Tench, Holden Ford/Bill Tench, Holden Ford/Debbie Mitford
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

Bill grunted as he closed the door to their basement office behind him and looked to see Holden’s desk covered in unopened mail with the younger agent still missing.

“You tried calling his friends?” Bill asked Gregg.

“Does he have friends?” Gregg asked, brows raised.

Bill rolled his eyes and walked into his office, collapsing in his chair and trying to focus on the conversation he had had with Shepard’s replacement, Ted. Despite the good news that Ted was supporting their unit and trying to get OPR’s case closed, he couldn’t stop his mind from racing about all the horrible situations his partner could have found himself in.

If Holden could get on  _ his  _ nerves, he didn’t want to imagine what would happen if the younger was alone with someone who had far less patience.

When his phone rang, Bill snatched it off the hook.

“BSU, Tench.”

_ “I have a call from California Medical Facility.” _

“I accept,” Bill said, confused as to why he was getting a call from there.

The phone buzzed as it was transferred and Holden’s tired voice came through.  _ “Bill? It’s me.” _

“Where the fuck have you been?” Bill asked angrily.

_ “I’m in a hospital in California.” _

“What happened?” Bill questioned more softly, concerned about how exhausted his partner sounded.

_ “I didn’t have anyone else to call.” _

“I’m on my way. You’re telling me everything when I get there,” Bill hung up and immediately started booking the soonest flight to California.

“Where are you going?” Gregg asked as Bill walked past him, pulling on his jacket.

“To go collect our idiot,” Bill huffed.

The flight was agonizing as Bill wondered what the fuck happened to Holden and he regretted not questioning him more for the information. He took a cab to the medical facility as soon as he landed and practically terrified the poor nurse sitting at the desk when he demanded to know what room Holden was in. 

He entered without knocking and found Holden in the bed, looking like an absolute mess. His hair was disheveled and he had some scruff on his normally clean shaven face. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked about two seconds away from falling asleep.

There was a doctor in the room talking to him and Bill sat down in a chair next to the bed, staring at him expectantly.

The doctor paused for a moment, looking to Holden for permission to share information. Holden nodded and rubbed his face, Bill noticing the bright red marks on his wrist.

“Did you restrain him?” Bill asked the doctor incredulously.

“We had to for his own safety,” the doctor said and began to explain what happened was a severe panic attack.

Bill nearly scoffed as the man handed over a bottle of Valium, unable to fully comprehend that  _ Holden  _ of all people had a panic attack. Bill waited in the hallway for Holden to get dressed. The younger agent gave him a wide eyed look and started trying to take deep breaths when he joined him.

“Fuck, get it together,” Bill said. He knew he shouldn’t be so harsh, the last thing Holden needed was for someone to yell at him, but Bill was never good at conveying emotion.

Holden had long since realized that Bill’s way of expressing concern was to show anger, so he nodded and did what he was told, knowing that Bill was just looking out for him.

Bill ranted on the plane, telling Holden that when he says “shut up”, Holden was to listen and follow his instructions. It worried Bill how quiet Holden was, the faraway, haunted look in his partner’s eyes that he’d seen in burnt out cops and detectives.

“What led to it?” Bill asked.

“I… I was with Kemper,” Holden said hesitantly.

“Alone?” Bill questioned.

“Yes,” Holden nodded, “alone.”

“What did he do? Did he threaten you?”

“He hugged me,” Holden sighed.

Bill felt an irrational rage towards Kemper. “He actually put his hands on you?”

“It was one of the only times I’ve ever felt helpless. He could have done anything he wanted to me and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him.”

“Holden, why would you go without any protection?”

“I don’t know, Bill!” Holden suddenly snapped, surprising the elder with the hostility in his tone. “I don’t understand why and I fucked up.”

“No one needs to know about this incident,” Bill said softly.

“I’m going to talk to Wendy about it,” Holden sighed.

“You don’t need to, Holden. Talk to me about it,” Bill frowned.

“Wendy will understand it more,” Holden shook his head and closed his eyes tiredly, not seeing the disappointed look on Bill’s face.

Bill would never admit it, but it did upset him slightly that Holden would rather share his thoughts with Wendy than him. He felt a little less bad knowing Holden had called  _ him  _ first.

Several times, Bill looked over to see Holden staring at the seat in front of him, deep in thought. 

“Holden?” he called his name quietly. 

Holden looked over at him with a brow raised, “Yes?”

“Are you gonna be okay on your own when we get back?” Bill asked.

“I’ll get it together,” Holden said, using Bill’s own line.

Bill looked at him unsurely, not believing his unconvincing tone at all. “Holden, I’m serious. Are you going to be alright alone?”

“I’ll be fine, Bill,” Holden said.

“Maybe you should stay the night with Nancy and I,” Bill put a hand on his shoulder.

Holden looked uncertain at first, but seemed to realize Bill wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer and eventually agreed. Bill called Nancy as soon as they landed and she gladly accepted the news, not having seen Holden for some time.

Nancy was out picking up Brian from his friend’s home when they arrived at Bill’s house. Bill instructed Holden to go shower and gave him another spare outfit, the younger lighting up at the prospect of being clean.

Bill set up the guest room while Holden showered, adding sheets to the mattress and folding an extra blanket for him just in case Holden got cold. Bill knew he was being a little overboard with it, but he wanted Holden to feel comfortable.

He couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to be restrained to a hospital bed, heavily sedated for several days. The thought of Holden going through all of that on his own made Bill’s chest ache with guilt for not having been there for him. 

Holden finished quickly and came out with damp hair dressed in Bill’s clothes, the shirt practically hanging off of him with how large it was. For some reason, it made Bill happy to see Holden wearing his clothes, but he shook it off as a strange thought and invited Holden to the kitchen for beer.

Nancy and Brian came home a little later, the little boy immediately going to play with blocks in the living room. Nancy gave Holden a hug and a kiss on the cheek and started preparing dinner for them all.

Bill watched as Holden sat down with Brian and started playing with him, admiring how Holden got him to laugh a little. It was difficult for Bill to get Brian to react to anything at all, but Holden’s presence seemed entirely welcomed by his son and it made Bill’s heart warm. 

Nancy made lasagna and Holden helped Bill to set the dining table with plates and utensils. Holden blushed when his stomach growled loudly as Nancy placed the delicious smelling meal on the table. Brian giggled and Bill shook his head.

“I told you to eat on the plane,” he said.

Holden shrugged, “I wasn’t hungry then.”

They all ate together in a comfortable silence broken only when Brian asked Holden questions about comic books which thoroughly entertained Bill to find out how much of a geek Holden really was for them.

“I didn’t know you were into comics,” he said.

“I was practically obsessed when I was younger. Batman was always my favourite,” Holden said and Brian vehemently agreed, ironically wearing Batman pajamas at the exact time.

“Why Batman?” Bill asked, curious as to why Holden chose him of all heroes.

“He turned his fear into a strength,” Holden said, “I guess it’s just inspiring.”

“Huh, interesting,” Bill said and Nancy rolled her eyes as her husband analyzed his partner’s psychology behind his favourite comic.

Holden took a Valium before bed and was completely asleep within fifteen minutes, sprawled out across the guest bed. Bill turned off the light after checking on him and kept the door partially opened just in case Holden needed something and called for him.

“He seems a little off,” Nancy said as Bill slid under the covers next to her.

“He’s had a hard couple of days,” Bill said.

“Is he okay?” she asked.

Bill paused, “I don’t know. I’m worried about him,” he said honestly.

“He’s welcome to stay whenever,” Nancy announced.

“Thanks for not questioning him,” Bill said, “I don’t think he can handle having to explain everything again.”

“I don’t know what happened and I won’t ask, but is he going to get help for whatever is happening?”

“He said he’s gonna talk to Wendy,” Bill said.

“You don’t sound happy about that,” Nancy noticed.

“I want him to be open with me. I don’t like the fact that he feels more comfortable with Wendy than he does with me after everything.”

“Maybe he just needs someone he knows won’t judge him,” Nancy shrugged.

Bill sighed, knowing Nancy was probably right. He didn’t mean to be judgemental, but he knew it happened occasionally.


	2. Chapter 2

Bill was struggling.

Between Brian’s appointments with social workers, the tension in his marriage, and the Atlanta murders, he felt like he was being pulled in every different direction.

Holden was certainly getting on his nerves.

Bill had promised Wendy and Ted he’d keep Holden under control, but with everything happening, babysitting Holden was not at the top of his list of important things to do.

He understood Holden was stressed and wanted to help the families, but Bill had his own family to worry about and it made him want to punch his partner when Holden accused him of not caring enough to spend all of his time in Atlanta like him. 

Holden certainly shut up after Bill snapped at him and told him the situation with Brian. It seemed to upset Holden more than Bill expected and he realized that Holden really did care about Brian.

Holden backed off for most of the rest of the time they were in Georgia. He asked questions about how Brian was doing frequently and started writing letters for Bill to bring back to him. Bill doubted Brian could read Holden’s fancy handwriting, but Brian kept the letters in his room on his bedside table.

With the arrest of Wayne Williams and the charges levied against him, Bill and Holden were sent home. Bill’s heart dropped as he looked around the empty house. The couch sat still in the living room, not a single other object near it. Bill checked the bedrooms and saw his bed stripped to nothing, Brian’s room empty too.

* * *

"Holden,  _ stop _ ,” Bill gritted through his teeth as the younger agent silently raged next to him in the car after their first Road School since getting back.

“Stop what?” Holden asked.

“Sulking,” Bill said, “you’re pouting like a child.”

“Those children got no justice,” Holden scowled.

“Their killer was put away, he can’t hurt anyone else now,” Bill said.

“Yusef, Angel, and Jeffrey will never definitively be proven as Williams’ victims. They only charged him for two adults.”

“Holden, we did our jobs! There is nothing more we can do, alright? I understand you’re upset, but get over it. It’s been almost a month and you’re still on about it,” Bill gripped the steering wheel tighter, “We have to focus on BTK now.”

Holden sunk down into his seat and Bill nearly felt bad, but he knew he was right and Holden needed someone to tell him to get his shit together.

Bill actually dreaded dropping Holden off at his apartment because it left him alone to the mercy of his thoughts. He was trying to figure out what to say to Nancy after he finally tracked down where she lived and had given her time to herself like she had asked for during one of their meetings with the social worker they still attended.

She and Brian were living in a nice small home about an hour south and seemed to be doing fine on their own, but Bill sorely missed them. He started on his way there and it felt like an agonizingly long time before he finally reached the door and knocked.

Nancy opened the door with a smile that disappeared as soon as she saw him. “Bill,” she said.

“Nancy, can I come in?” Bill asked.

Nancy sighed and moved out of the way to let him in through the door. Bill entered and looked around, seeing all the furniture that was currently missing from their house together.

“Nancy, why?” Bill finally questioned.

“You left us,” Nancy’s chin started wobbling, “when Brian and I needed you most, you went off to Atlanta. The only reason you came back every week was because of the meetings. Brian is  _ thriving  _ here. He’s started talking again. The only times he doesn’t speak are at the meetings and when he sees  _ you.” _

“He’s my son and you are my wife,” Bill scowled.

“I don’t want to be anymore,” Nancy said quietly, tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Bill. I can’t do this anymore. I want a divorce.”

“Nance,” Bill felt like his heart was being lanced. He reached out to her, but she pulled away. “You can’t be serious.”

“I’m serious,” Nancy sobbed, “I’m so so sorry.”

“Atlanta is over. We caught the guy.”

“What happens when there’s another Atlanta Strangler? When work calls you again to leave us? Brian can not have you walking in and out of his life and neither can I.”

Bill backed up, trying to shake his head clear. He walked right out of the house and to his car while Nancy locked the door behind him. 

He got in his car and just sat for a while, staring out the windshield before he started the engine. He drove home and went to his room that was still fairly bare save for his belongings that Nancy left behind.

He stripped off his tie and jacket before flopping on the bed. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Nancy staring back at him, tears on her face.

_ “I want a divorce.” _

“Fuck,” Bill scrubbed his face as the words rang through his mind.

He stayed for a while until he decided it was time for a drink and he poured himself some whiskey. He drank the night away and collapsed back into bed late.

The next morning, Bill slept in late. His head was pounding and he felt nauseous, hungover for the first time in a long time. He decided to call in sick to work and didn’t even need to pretend to sound sick, he felt bad enough that it was obvious just in his voice.

Bill stayed in bed practically all day until it became dark outside and was feeling much better. Having spent hours to mull over the situation, Bill realized that Nancy was right. He was being an absent father and partner and they deserved better.

He heard a knock at the door around 9 pm and opened it to find Holden standing there, scanning him up and down.

“Can I help you?” Bill asked.

Holden held out his hand and Bill noticed a Tupperware container.

“You brought me soup?” he questioned, brows raised.

“I heard you were sick,” Holden shrugged, gesturing for Bill to take it. 

Bill took the container from his hands, “Well that’s very thoughtful, Holden. I didn’t take you as a sentimental person to bring soup to a sick friend.”

Holden rolled his eyes, “I just… wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all.”

“Well, if that’s all then, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Bill said, about to close the door.

“Are you actually okay though?” Holden asked.

“I’m fine, Holden.”

Holden nodded, “Okay. Just call if you need anything.”

“Thanks,” Bill said, surprised at the sincerity in his partner’s tone.

He watched Holden turn around and get into his car. He looked down at the soup in his hand and it brought a small smile to his face to know that at least  _ someone  _ cared about his health.

Bill returned to work the next day feeling a lot more at ease with the situation with Nancy.

“Hello, Bill,” Wendy said as he walked past her office to grab something from his old office.

“Hey, Wendy,” Bill said.

“How are you? Feeling better?” she questioned.

“I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Have you spoken to Holden yet?”

“No, why?” Bill asked.

“He was quite concerned about your absence yesterday. He worried all day and was considering visiting you.”

“He brought me soup,” Bill said.

“Did he now?” Wendy’s eyebrows raised, “that’s not something I expected from him.”

“I was surprised too,” Bill said. 

Holden stopped by his office later, “Feel better?”

“Yes, I feel better,” Bill sighed, “why are you so concerned?”

Holden looked down with a slight blush and shrugged before walking away. Bill chuckled to himself several times that Holden was acting like a teenager with a crush on someone when he caught him staring a couple times when they were all meeting together.

“Next Road School is later this week in California,” Gregg said, “you could interview Kemper again to talk about BTK.”

Both Wendy and Bill glanced over at Holden who gave no reaction at the mention of Kemper’s name.

“Okay,” Holden said.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Bill said.

“Why not?” Gregg frowned.

“Kemper is recovering from a suicide attempt and seems to have a special attachment to Holden. He basically made him his next of kin. I think it would be a bad idea to expose Holden to him any further,” Bill said, trying to come up with the best excuse.

“I agree,” Wendy said, “the attachment is unhealthy and may possibly influence any future information that would be collected from Kemper.”

“What do you think, Holden?” Gregg asked, curious as to why he was so quiet.

“I don’t have an issue interviewing him,” Holden said, not looking at either Bill or Wendy.

“Holden, I sincerely advise against it,” Wendy said, looking to Bill for back up.

“Me too. It’s not happening. I don’t want anymore contact between you and Kemper,” Bill said.

“We could get useful information from him,” Holden replied.

“If he wasn’t telling you what you wanted to hear before, he will be now. He’ll do anything to get you to come visit him, we’ve seen that first hand,” Bill shook his head.

“But he cou-“

“No, Holden,” Bill interrupted him, a finality in his tone that let everyone know the conversation was over.

“No, Holden, what?” they heard a voice ask and looked up to see Ted standing in the doorway.

“No visiting Ed Kemper again,” Bill said, “we believe Kemper has formed an attachment to Holden that would be unsafe to continue anymore.”

“Holden, how do you feel about it?” Ted asked.

“He doesn’t want to speak to anyone else now,” Holden said, “if I can get him to talk, I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Dr. Carr, what is your take on this?” Ted questioned.

“I believe Holden is risking the possibility of corrupting data and putting himself in danger,” Wendy said.

“Danger?”

“Kemper is obsessed with him and last time they were together he made a comment about killing Holden so he would be with him forever,” Bill said and Holden looked at him like he’d just kicked a puppy.

“Well, in that case, I think if there was to be another interview, Bill and a guard will be present. I believe Dr. Carr is fully capable of determining truths from falses for any information Kemper might provide,” Ted said, turning to leave, “have a good day everyone.”

He closed the door behind him and Holden immediately scowled at Bill.

“I’m looking out for your safety, Holden,” Bill said.

“You didn’t have to tell him that,” Holden said petulantly.

“I wasn’t aware Kemper made such remarks,” Wendy said, looking at Holden with a delicate brow raised.

“I didn’t think it was necessary to share with everyone,” Holden sighed.

“That is certainly something you should have shared,” Wendy frowned and returned to her office.

Holden refused to look at Bill, even when the older man patted his shoulder and barely spoke to him for the next several days, being the petulant child he was.


End file.
